There is a story somewhere in all of this. It is probably about pirates.

Love: Planks. The long kind. With sharks at the bottom.

Hate: Scurvy.

Being a penguin would be awesome. I could slide around on my belly and do extreme tricks like a double-indie half cab stale fish Jesus air5000 into a reverse nose whalebone. Man, that would be sweet.

Love: Green lights.

Hate: Shredded Wheat (and red lights).

Free coffee is the greatest thing in the world. I like to drink eight cups of it, then bite on a pen to keep from chomping my tongue off.

Love: Booberries

Hate: The Party. Damn you Mao.

Think about the term "drive-thru window." That is one hell of a misnomer.

Love: Chicken nuggets. With barbecue sauce.

Hate: Fishsticks. With tartar sauce.

There are things that I love, and things that I hate.

Love: the word "asshat." What a great word. Quite descriptive.

Hate: asshats.